What women have to do, but hate to do…
What’s the one thing that all women no matter what age, hate to do? That’s right ladies; you have to have your yearly exam by your favorite doctor of all time. Now, don’t get me wrong I love mine but I started thinking about a few things while waiting.
It’s almost like your birthday, holiday, or any other yearly thing that comes around. Some have a particular month they pick to have this done; some just go when they have the time. The bottom line is we all have to have that lovely pap smear and exam. I don’t know about you guys, but I never look forward to them. This could steam from a long history of having to see my gynecologist more than I ever should have in my late teens and twenties. Now, it’s something that I have come to dread. I mean it ranks up to the top of my list with grocery shopping, cleaning out the fridge or folding socks.
I will admit that I was behind on this matter, but I just didn’t want to do it. Like I didn’t want to go. Let’s insert stomping feet and almost turning into one of those kids throwing a tantrum in the toy aisle. It wasn’t the fact that I was scared, or don’t like the office. It was the simple fact that I just wanted to rebel against having my legs up and in the air while all the goods were on the table.
Let’s take a trip to the office shall we.
Arriving twenty minutes early since I knew I would have to update my insurance and make sure all my paperwork was correct, I take a seat. Now, my fantastic doctor is an OB/GYN, and I get to witness all these women and those cute round bellies. I have to say years ago while trying to conceive I didn’t think they were cute. Now, I just smile and say to myself ‘welcome to the madness of parenting.’ Yesterday I was lucky enough to sit in the cold office and watch them come and go, really it was more of a waddle but still cute.
Once I was back in the room, I get to listen to the nurse explain how to put the paper gown on. I mean come on ladies, this is not our first rodeo. We know, open in the front and cover yourself up with the other paper blanket. I mean it’s supposed to keep us warm, and comfortable; right? Heck no… I’m not even sure why we have them. It’s not like the robe will stay shut, and all your goods are on display for the world.
Here is what’s going through my mind as I wait.
Picture this … The table is facing the enormous wall of windows; you’re only covered up by a thin layer of paper with a huge opening in the front, and that extra warm paper sheet. Now, I hope you are all with me. As you wait and look outside you start to wonder, can anyone see through this window? I mean I know we are on the third floor, but what if there’s a person in that tree across the street with some binoculars. Yes, this was going through my head as I am freezing. Let’s shift gears and talk about the cold factor. Here we are naked, and I’m going to go with that because the paper doesn’t count for anything. It’s not clothes, shelter, or can even be considered a blanket. It’s PAPER.
Why in the world is it cold in your OB/GYN’s office? I had to picture a warm tropical island with the sun beating down on me to warm up. I’ll admit it didn’t do that great of a job, but I tried.
Now… Let’s keep going.
In comes the doctor with cold as all get out hands. Instantly my mind goes to … Oh heck no you are touching my chest with those hands. I mean I just warmed myself up, and now you want to what?
I didn’t have a choice as I was forced to carry on a conversation with my doctor and his cold hands as I received the wonderful breast exam. So, we’re done and then instructed to slide your butt down to the edge. Insert conversation still happening.
Nothing should embarrass me much, but it still does as you have this person that only sees you once a year. I mean at least you could buy my lunch, dinner, or a drink before we start. Then I have to remind myself that they have done a few surgeries on me and have seen way more than what I am showing right now. Still though, I would’ve liked that drink before we started. That would have warmed me up.
Feet up in the air with your goods facing that window once again. Yes, those thoughts of that person in a tree came back as I’m on display for the whole city from the third floor of the building. Now I appreciate the view that I get to have while I wait, but for the first time I wondered who else is getting a view.
I know I was bored, and my mind was racing to keep me occupied. I mean I doubt anyone was in those trees, but it does make you wonder.
Lessons learned yesterday.
- I don’t like going to the doctor.
- I need to bring my warm fuzzy blanket with me the next time.
- I need to bring a better robe, as the paper ones just don’t work.
- Turn my mind off while feet are in the air.
- I have approached the age of mammograms and find it funny that the doctor can joke about getting the breast flattened like a pancake.
- I am happy not to be in the childbearing years anymore.
- It is cold in those offices.
- Make a mental note to ask the hubs if his doctor’s office is as cold as mine.
- I love the staff at the doctor.
- Work on awkward conversations while feet are in the air.
Ladies, it’s October, and it’s Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Do your exams, make your appointment, and follow through. Now, if you will all excuse me, I need to schedule one to be flattened like a pancake.
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